Girls’ Girl or Mean Girl?

“If you’re a girl, you should naturally be predisposed to other women. That’s just the way it is. You should be sharing your experiences with other women.” – Chelsea Handler

Easier said than done, Chelsea, easier said than done.  Most of the women I’ve met who are self-described “girls’ girls” have been the meanest, most judgemental, exclusionary people I’ve ever met.  If you identify as a “girls’ girl” the question really is are you really just a good old-fashioned mean girl in disguise?

mean girls

Allow me to explain.  I think the term “girls’ girl” is a little silly, I mean we’re all girls, but for the sake of this exercise, let’s go with it.  I think there are a few core differences that set mean girls apart from the rest of the female population.  First, they’re exclusionary.  If you’re at an event at a table full of your closest girlfriends, and a woman walks in that clearly is by herself and doesn’t know anyone, do you, go up and introduce yourself, maybe help her find a seat, or even invite her to sit down with you until her friend arrives, or do you and your friends whisper about her dress and shoes and hair and avert your eyes when she longingly glances at the one empty chair at your table?  I think a true girls’ girl is supportive and welcoming to ALL women, not just her nearest and dearest.  Of course it’s fine to have an inner circle of besties, but you should never be so closed off that you can’t make room at your table, literally and figuratively.  Who knows what you might learn.

“Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don’t.” – Bill Nye


you can't sit with us

From the tv show New Girl:

Jess: One time a girl said to me, “Jess, you rock a lot of polka dots.”

Gina: Ooh, how did she say it?

Jess: “Jess, you rock a LOT of polka dots…”

Cece: Diabolical.

They’re judgmental. We’re all individuals.  Some of us prefer a classic look, some are more contemporary, others are self-described hippies that scour the racks at secondhand shops (me!).  Individuality is what makes the world a beautiful place.  Who wants to live on a planet where every person walking down the street is dressed and styled the exact same way?  You know who?  Mean girls!  Now, it’s one thing to take a friend to the side and tell her she has spinach in her teeth, or a stain on her blouse, or to alert of her of a major wardrobe malfunction, that’s just being a supportive friend, but when you expect all of your friends to match your style, or dictate to them what they should and shouldn’t be wearing each time you go out, you’re not being helpful, you’re squashing their personality.  You don’t want a friend, you want a clone.  Technology hasn’t quite caught up with you yet.  Try and admire each of your friends’ unique looks, even if they don’t share your taste, and unless a nip has slipped, keep your mouth shut.


They can dish it but can’t take it.  A true friend gives honest but dependable advice whenever it’s needed.  Even when a bit of constructive tough love when is called for, they’re still your soft place to fall.  A mean girl  doles out heavy doses of brutal “advice” all the time, usually unsolicited, about every aspect of your life, including sensitive topics like your diet and exercise routine (or lack thereof), or your parenting style and romantic relationships, but never accepts advice when its offered to her.  She’s ALWAYS right, the world is in desperate need of HER illustrious wisdom.  If you dare stand up to her, you will feel the full heat of her fury,  likely in the form of an all-out screaming meltdown.  Or, if she’s really diabolical, she will  slowly and methodically turn everyone in your life against you, leaving you dazed and alone, wondering what the heck just happened.


So, if you are one of the few people that read this blog 🙂 and you think someone in your inner circle meets the mean girl criteria, sit down and have a discussion with her.

one time she punched

If she’s not willing to change – my constructive advice – run like the wind in the other direction.  And if you see yourself in my words, and you’re willing to listen, be a little easier on your friends, and make some room at popular girls’ table.