Vapors

I collapsed on the ground after the peppy blond instructor on the monitor told us we could finally relax.  I’d been in plank position for what felt like an hour, but was probably closer to 30 seconds.  My bestie dramatically grunted in relief and fell on the other side of the rug.  Recovering quickly, she jumped up and said mysteriously, “I’ve got a surprise for you!”

I dragged myself to my feet, sniffing my armpits dubiously.  “We’re leaving??”

“Yep.”  She grabbed her keys and we hopped in her car, where she programmed some mysterious directions into her GPS.

“Are we going shopping?  Stinky and sweaty like this?”

“Nope.”  Her grin widened as she turned onto a familiar road.

“Are we going to workout AGAIN???!!!”  I was nearly apoplectic.  My gym was a few blocks away.

“How did you guess!”  She was as excited as our virtual fitness instructor.  “But we’re not going to your gym. It’s a new fitness studio I found.  The class focuses on your lower body.  Great for legs!”

My legs already felt like gelatin.  I was surprised I made it to the car without falling.

“Is it like mat work?  Can I lie down?  And breathe and basically do nothing and go unnoticed?  Maybe sleep?”

“Oh nooooooooooo…we’ll be standing the whole time.  Lunges…squats…”

“Squats!”  I screamed as though she said we’d flying across the globe to climb Mt. Everest.  My legs didn’t have another squat in them.  “How much is this class, anyway?”

“Normally it’s $100 a class, but you’ll be free because you’re my guest.”

“100 bucks?”

“Yeah because they have these like, special vapors that revive you and help you keep going during the class.  Really awesome.”

“Vapors????”

“Yeah it’s a new thing.”

She turned into a dark strip mall and parked in front of a store front that had the words Dance Studio stenciled across the door.  There were more words in a language I didn’t recognize scribbled above it.  Terror burned my stomach.  Great.  It was probably going to be some new edgy foreign martial arts craziness.  Was she trying to kill me?  Did she have a secret insurance policy out on me I didn’t know about?

“Is this it?”

She got out of the car, not responding.  I reluctantly dragged myself out of the car and began to stumble toward the “dance studio.”  I turned and noticed my bestie heading in the opposite direction.

“Where are you going?”  She was laughing so hard she could barely stand up.  I looked above her head and saw a sign for a vegan Indian restaurant.  My favorite cuisine.  Since I switched to vegetarianism nearly a year ago most of my friends considered me insane, but she’d been promising for the past few weeks to treat me to a vegetarian feast.  She was making good on her word, but of course she couldn’t resist having a little fun with me on the way.

“My treat!”

“I’m going to kill you!” I ran toward her with new energy, laughing as hard as she was.  “Thanks, though.  This is really nice.”

She held the door open, and I shook my head, wondering how two quirky, goofy weirdos like us had found each other.

The hostess handed us menus and led us to our table.

I punched her arm lightly.  “Vapors?  Seriously…”

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